25 - this is the chapter I call, "getting back intouch with romance."

coming soon....

Scratch that. 25 - this is the chapter I call, "Lust."

Meeting places all around. Reciting the right lyrics every time.
Plenty of time. Plenty of alcohol. Plenty of energy.
We've talked before.
We both have a system. We both want to figure out the others.
Meeting up. Having drinks and perfect conversations.
You understand enough of me to know I'm fairly intelligent. So we keep drinking.
We don't need to be intelligent any more. We are little more than uncontrolled.

I hope I'm right.

I hope I’m right.

I hope you try to act guarded around him, and I hope you leave all that behind you when I’m around. I hope he see’s a shell of what you could be, and you show me what you are every time. I hope you can’t help but be your self around me, and he doesn’t know how to react to you. I hope you can only see one thing in him, and you can see decades through me. I hope he doesn’t know how to kiss you. I hope he doesn’t know when to touch you. I hope he doesn't know how to touch you.

I hope I’m right.

I may have made a mistake.

I think I loved you. I think I did. I think I can listen to you every day. I think I could never be mad at your voice. What if your laugh was infections? What if your smile was intoxication? When I held you, I knew exactly the spot I was suppose to. When I kissed you, I knew exactly where to. If you had a problem I would be there.
I think I love you. I think I do.

Shit

This shit makes me dream.
This shit brings imagination.
This shit makes me time travel.
This shit brings me back to you.
This shit takes me back to us.
This shit makes me wonder.
This shit makes me wish.

Wants

I don't want to be your best friend. I don't want simple talks. I want to be envolved with you. I want to be good to you.

Caught

I got caught. Like a rabbit in a snare, I get caught.

Should I say something to you first? We've come this far and still nothing. Or should I let you come to me? I've shown my hand multiple times, wanting to be something.

Fake

I hold this pillow like it's you. I clench this fabric and pretend it's your pores. I begin to slip into false reality, and your contour is in my grasp again.

It is what it is

I take it so personal and so harshly because I hate the extinction of affection and affinity. Even when we go from each other's space, I feel a dismemberment.

The change

Something changed.

I could tell by the way you looked at me. If you don't want to love me, don't look through my soul.

Emotional Distress

I feel like I'm putting in more energy than you are.
How long is this going to last?
I'm wondering how far.
How do I 'go with the flow'
if I feel I'm doing most of the work?
I'm wondering if you want this
please, I need to know.

Open

Open up to me.
Like a daisy waiting for summer sunlight.
Show me your beauty.

Slow Down

I tend to get the jitters when I see you, but being with you settles all the nerves.

I've been struggling mentally lately
because I think I love you.
Wanting to say something
but not knowing how to.

Thank You

My first love.

You stomped my heart into the ground. I have to thank you.
Without you I wouldn't have made it this far.
We broke up. I was so mad, and angry towards you. But that helped me the most. I needed that. I needed to experience the emotions.
You gave me love.
You gave me pain.
And for that, you gave me appreciation.
You helped me live.
You challenged my way of thinking without even knowing it, or being there.
In that way, I have to thank you.

Do You Want to Talk About It?

I've said a lot of words to a bunch of different people.

I've listened to a complete break-up playlist, that I created, at least 25 times.

There are certain details of the relationship that I enjoyed, and certain that I didn't.... and I haven't decided if I should focus on the good ones... or the bad ones more. Both are intriguing.

I'm trying to convince myself, and make myself believe that I will be back to "normal" in a week.

I took it easier than the last.

I have wrote about it.

I still have questions... Questions that I can't, or don't want to ask.

Mainly because I'm not sure how much they really even matter.

• 
  

I still have ten days to get "normal."

Come to you

I'm so antsy. Restless.
I want to feel your soft lips connecting to mine.
I want to kiss, the underside of your chin and the corners of your cheeks.
I want to feel your neck with my tongue.
I want to touch.
I want to feel the smooth skin that I've gotten use to.
I want to rub the curves of your waist. Kissing every inch of everything.
I want to touch the small hairs of your neck with my lips, letting warm air hit like summer.
I want to feel your legs until the little hairs stand on ends.

I want to come to you.

Sink-In

I have thought a lot this week.
Thought about this the other night...


I sink into these sheets like a hot tub,
getting away from the midnight.
I sink into these sheets to
sink into dreams that will take me
far away from controlling anxiousness,
away from waiting, away from the cold and the brash.
I'll be awake soon, but rather be sinking
like the Titanic capsizing
if only to get away from all the manic in the world

I'll sink once more tonight.


These are intriguing thoughts that I am having as of late, I'm actually getting a lot of joy and emotion out of them. I really feel like I'm learning for the first time.

Ordinary has become Extraordinary

Girl you're probably wantin' a tattoo'd up, pierced, be all know all
He'll leave you soon after you take that hard fall.
Well honey, that ain't me.
I'm real, not no fantasy
Got a big heart that loves to love 
and I'll tell you you're beautiful everyday.
Roses are my friend, and you'll get some randomly to show I'm there till the end.
I'm not like those other guys, they want the goods;
I want the goods and the bads.

Something that came into my head late at night.
I feel like I'm getting a better hold of myself, and who I am. I lost myself for a while. I think I'm coming back.
I sound crazy. I'm tired of seeing I's, I'm so self centered, but fuck it, this is MY blog. :)

Enjoy your life. as Bruce from "Bruce Almighty" would say; It's Good.